How Pampering Parents Ruin the Child?

Hello Dear Moms & Dads!

You may turn your eyes from this post, as it talks about the pampering parents. And you are not one of them. You never pamper your child, so there are no chances of ruining him.

But, are you sure?

Majority parents think like you because they don’t know what is pampering a child.

Even if you know what is pampering, sometimes you get carried away by the child’s behaviour. And consequently, pamper him unknowingly.

In the previous post, I had talked about the warning signs of pampering your child, to help you know and check your behaviour.

Today, I will talk about the effects of those “signs of pampering” on a child. The effects may not be apparent at once, but will soon catch your attention.

I hope this piece will act as an eye-opener for all parents who pamper their children knowingly or unknowingly.

Please do not take it as a pin-pointer on yourself or any parent. It’s just an endeavour to help you and your child, to stop pampering a child, and create a beautiful future ahead.

 

1. Buy everything as per the child’s demands

Once, a mother came to my clinic to consult for her 4-year-old son. She complained of impatience and aggressiveness in her child since two weeks. Whenever the child was hungry, he used to cry loudly and get on her nerves.

Now, it will take few seconds for the mother to get the food from the kitchen, but those few seconds were horrible for the mother. She suspected some problem in his stomach which might make him cry so loudly due to hunger.

After a thorough examination of the child, I concluded that his digestion was perfect. On asking few questions from the mother, I learned that the child exhibited similar behaviour on other occasions as well.

Like when they went shopping, he would cry for a particular toy. And if the parents didn’t buy it, he would start creating a scene in the market; will turn impatient and hit his mother.

Also, when his father would go to the office every day, the child would place a demand for something or the other. And the father would fulfil his demand on the same day.

This had created a habit in the child, to get his demands fulfilled immediately. Thus, pampering in such a way can make your child:

• Impatient
• Disrespectful towards others who can’t fulfil his wishes
• Place illegitimate demands
• Take you for granted
• Show no value for money

2. Buy things in excess of what is necessary

When a child has things in an abundance of what he needs, he won’t value them. He won’t take any responsibility to take care of his belongings. In simple terms, he will become a careless person because he is not devoid of anything. Anything and everything of what he needs is plenty.

And you will never want your child to be a careless and irresponsible person, right?

3. Support the child’s wrongdoings

I have seen this in my neighbourhood. Once, I was going to my society park for an evening walk. And I saw two ladies fighting verbally in the playground. One of them was my immediate neighbour.

Curious, I went near to know the matter. And what I came to know was shocking. The ladies were fighting in support of their kids, who had hit each other while playing.

Both the ladies were yelling at each other, each supporting their own child and blaming the other kid.

Now, if the kids had entered into a fight, it was obvious that one had hit the other, who then responded by hitting him back.

But, when both the mothers are supporting their kids, how will they learn the difference between right and wrong? How will they learn not to hit each other?

So, supporting the child when he has committed a mistake will:

• Never let him learn what is right and wrong
• Make him self-assertive and violent
• Not make him respect his peers and elders

4. Never let the child do things on his own

You must have seen mothers who perform all their child’s activities, from tying his shoelaces to packing his school bag.

Yes, it’s a mother’s duty to look after her child as a toddler. But, what when he outgrows his toddler years?

A mother must teach her child to do such little activities on his own. It’s the way to let the child become independent and responsible.

But, if you won’t let him do things on his own, where required, you will make him:

• Dependant on yourself or others
• Incapable of handling responsibilities
• Incapable of tackling problems on his own

Never say “Jab bada hoga toh apne aap seekh jayega.” You have to inculcate independence at the right time.

5. Hand over money to the child

Handing over money to the child on certain occasions to buy things is not bad. But, pampering begins when this becomes a regular affair.

You can’t guarantee whether the child will really buy the things he had asked for or use the money for something else. And this is more true for the teenagers.

No, you need not mistrust your child, but handing over money without keeping an eye on him can result in:

• Child misusing the money for a wrong purpose
• Not respecting the value of money
• Inculcating financial imprudence in child
• Disrespect for poor and destitute people
• Child bullying others

Keeping yourself aware of these side-effects of pampering can save you from committing these mistakes. Always think what impact it will have on your child as he grows. And I am sure you will be able to outgrow the habit of pampering your child.

Yes, sometimes it really gets difficult to handle or refuse what the child demands, especially when he starts crying out loud. But, I will discuss the solutions for it in the next post.

Till then, think about the other ways in which you can pamper a child and share them in the comments below.

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