Do You Know Why your Child Doesn’t Trust You?

Hello Dear Moms & Dads!

Today I am going to share a story with you. A story of an ordinary girl, Ruchika who confided in her parents. She shared her fears, anxiety, and pain with her mother Shashikala. She rushed to hug her mom when she got hurt while playing or someone bullied her in school.

But, as the years passed by, she told lies to her mom. When she lost the history book, when her class-teacher scold her, when she forgot to do a household chore, she told a lie to her mom.

And the episode didn’t stop there. As she grew into a teenager, she had a crush on her classmate. But, she shared nothing with her mom, who came to know from her close friends. And the distance between Ruchika and her mother deepened further.

What turned Ruchika away from her mother?

Being my best friend, she told me the reason. She said, “I don’t trust my parents. I don’t trust my mom.”  Shocked! Because parents are the most trustworthy people for any child. And this trust is the nature’s gift to them. So, why Ruchika couldn’t trust her parents?

She shared instances with me that made me realise the mistakes her parents were committing. Let me show these mistakes to you. It will help you introspect and pinpoint such mistakes in your behaviour if any.

 

1. Telling a lie to the child 

Parents always teach their son and daughters to speak the truth; never to tell a lie. Even schools teach us “Honesty is the best policy”. But, when these parents tell a lie to the child?

Ruchika had heard her mother lying to her sister-in-law for a petty issue of not attending the family function of the in-law’s house.

So, can you expect your child to trust you in such circumstances? Can you expect him to understand the value of speaking the truth?

2. Scolding the child when he speaks the truth of his mistakes

On one hand, parents encourage their children to always speak the truth. And when they do so, they scold them.

One such case happened with Ruchika. By mistake, she had written a wrong answer to a question in her Science examination. She told this truth to her mother after returning home from the school. And, she received a severe scolding from her.

That day she realised that it’s futile to speak the truth. And she lost trust in her mother’s words who always taught her to speak the truth.

3. Making the child feel embarrassed in front of others

Ruchika’s mother always complained of her daughter’s negligence in studies and homework in front of her neighbours. It’s OK; neighbours are friends to share your problems with, but her mother’s complaints annoyed her. She felt ashamed in front of her neighbours.

5 Things You Should Never Say to your Teenager, it makes her feel embarrassed.

 

4. Making unrealistic promises to the child

It’s always said, if you promise someone, keep up your promise. If you can’t, don’t promise.

Ruchika’s father always promised to take her to Disneyland if she scores well in her exams. But, after the exams, he made lame excuses for not fulfilling his promise.

5. Comparing or criticising the child

Comparing or criticising a child makes him lose your trust and instils a lack of self-confidence in him. Though Ruchika was a bright student, her mother was never satisfied with her marks. She used to compare her with other children who ranked first amongst the class or were more intelligent and capable than her.

6. Encroaching on the child’s privacy

Parents must be vigilant on what their child does and says, what his company is, and where he goes to make sure the child remains safe.

But, while being watchful, parents forget that their child is an individual who has his own private life. Being a parent, you must respect his privacy. Keeping an eye on your child’s activities doesn’t mean you encroach on his privacy. Like parents ask siblings to report the child’s actions or search his room in the child’s absence.

Ruchika’s mother did the same. She opened her cupboards in her absence to peep into her personal diary.

7. Not trusting your child

Ruchika’s mother didn’t trust her. She was always suspicious that Ruchika was hiding something from her, which she craved to know from her personal diary.

This mistrust led to losing her daughter’s trust in her. Trust is always a mutual act. If you want someone to trust you, you must trust him first.

Conclusion

Do you feel the same distance from your child as he matures into a teen? Or has your child ever told you, “I don’t trust you, mom”?

Yeah! When your child enters his teens, he or she may not share everything with you. He has his own personal space now. Plus, the hormonal changes that go with a teenager make him moody and irritable.

But, if you feel a widening gap in your relationship, it’s time for an action. Maybe your child doesn’t trust you as a parent. Or you have instilled mistrust in him. If you feel that your child doesn’t trust you, introspect.

 

Let me know in the comments what you learned from the mistakes of Ruchika’s mother and what she ought to do to win back Ruchika’s trust.

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